Motherhood- one storm at a time

This week in weather around Ringgold, VA has been tumultuous at best.
Of course a little rain is always good, and I make no arguments against a good old-fashioned rainy day under the covers. In fact, I find that a lazy, dreary day as a stay at home mom is quite divine. My objections to this recent weather did not arise until the rainy day turned into a tornado watch, which turned into a tornado warning. Tornado's, I do not like. Admittedly not many people do like these destructive wonders, except for maybe the crazy folks that chase them down. I especially do not like when the tornado warning occurs late in the evening hours.

It is quite possible that my years of being a mommy have turned me into the quintessential scaredy-cat. This fact would explain my necessity for night lights, fear of late night thunderstorms, and the anxious knot that develops in my stomach when one of the children looks dangerously close to taking a tumble. It's ridiculous really because I used to be the kind of person that would sit on the front porch and watch the storm rage. Now, I nervously watch the Doppler radar and keep track of the storm's path on http://www.weather.com/. There is a mommy fear factor that seems to superimpose itself on those that have welcomed motherhood. And this mommy experienced a certain amount of fear on Tuesday night when our area was under a tornado warning for much of the night.

My own anxieties caused me to stay awake keeping track of the weather patterns until well after 1am. Right about the time I drifted off into comfortable sleep alone in my bed (my husband was out of town), a clap of thunder resounded outside the window and I nearly jumped out of my dreams and off of my bed. Unfortunately it did the same for Christopher and so as the clock read 3:30am, I rearranged my pillows and covers to accommodate my one year old, now wide awake, baby boy. He didn't cry but he didn't go back to sleep either. We lay side by side, watching the lightening flash outside of the window and listening to the rain hit the roof. I suppose it was some time after 5am when he began to nod off and then another storm moved through and at exactly 5:30am, then there was a knock on my bedroom door. In strolled Dean Kelly, blanket in tow with a look of fear in his little brown eyes. The baby and I made room and I was soon sandwiched in between two Gaffner boys in the wee hours of the morning. This time it was almost 6:30 when both boys were comfortably nestled on either side of me and I heard the soft sound of baby boy breathing as they slept in the crook of my arms.

It was at the moment that though exhaustion was evident and my eyes were heavy with lack of sleep, that I realized that the source of my fear is what cuddled close to me early Wednesday morning. The anxiety that creeps up when I watch them teeter too close to the edge of the front porch steps or the unwarranted fears that make root in my heart when I have to leave them for any long length of time; they exist because no matter my mommy strengths and super human abilities, I cannot protect them from everything. There will be storms in their life that may cause them pain. And I cannot prevent those storms from raging. That is a scary thought. But I wonder if that is similar to the way God feels about His children.

Of course my human inconsistencies and imperfections make for a poor analogy to the Creator of the Universe, but I wonder if it's close to His measure of love. He sees us trek through our day to day lives knowing full well that we will not always be safe and comfortable. He knows that we may have to walk through a storm or two, or twenty. He knows that we may or may not come out in one piece, but He cannot prevent every storm from passing because many times the growth that takes place while we are battling life's issues, is the very development that we needed in our lives at that moment.

And then there are times that even while the storm rages, His greatest measure of comfort is to simply hold us and reassure us that He IS there. As I nestled my babies in my arms early Wednesday morning, I knew full well that the power of my feeble limbs would not protect them from the destructive winds and force of a tornado, but it brought them all the comfort they needed at the moment. And honestly, their cuddles calmed my heart and fears as well. I do not suggest that God is fearful or worried, or that He suffers from anxiety but the love that we share between our Heavenly Father and ourselves brings Him just as much joy as my boys brought me yesterday morning.

I do not know the storms that rage in your life today.
But I DO know that your Heavenly Father has arms big enough to hold the world, including you at this very moment. You may not be able to physically see Him or feel him, but ask Him to surround you in His love, His comfort is... well, it's comforting :)

I may or may not survive this thing called motherhood.
But I am making it through one storm at a time with the help of my Father.

An "oldie" from last summer. Me and my boys. Gotta love the cuddle time.

I'll become even more undignified...

Dignity.
A word synonymous with honorable.
To be dignified, demands respect.
And certainly if you are dignified in your demeanor, you deserve respect.

But I wonder, are there ever moments when it is appropriate to be "undignified"?

Every morning I rise at 7am to begin the day with my children. After the school kids board the bus, I am left alone in a world which lacks dignity and appropriate demeanor. I am left in the world of the rambunctious, messy, rowdy preschool boy. My house at approximately 9:30am is nowhere fit for entertaining but rather fit for condemnation if you take into account the scattered pop tart crumbs, dirty socks, and discarded toys that consume the house from the front door to the kitchen. Combine the cluttered house with my cluttered appearance in the morning hours and the last two words used to describe this muddled mommy would be elegance and dignity. And yet, I would argue that those two things are of significant unimportance to my two preschool boys. In fact, they hardly notice the difference. It is one arena in my life where the pursuit of dignity is worthless.

Dignity.
It seems that most people place an enormous amount of weight on their appearance and the way they are perceived by others, especially in the context of religion and church. But does God?

Of course I am not considering that we run around as disrespectful as we please, but rather that we reconsider our traditional actions and call into question our motives. Are we aiming to please God, or people? Are we aiming to please our Savior or are we only concerned with the kind of self gratification that comes from human respect?

I am a wild child, a little rough around the edges. I am sort of anti-traditionalist and have already publicly admitted that I may not be as conservative as some may think or wish me to be. But lay those things aside and consider with me for a moment, how liberating it would be to become a little undignified. That is what King David did in 2 Samuel, chapter six.

David was a bit of a wild child himself. He was a man of impulse and desire. He picked up a sling shot without a second thought and won a war! But he also picked up another man's wife in the midst of a war. He was by no means perfect but he loved the Lord immeasurably. He wrote entire songs dedicated to his passion for his God, asking for forgiveness, and rejoicing in the restoration of a loving Father. David is a pretty incredible Biblical character. A man certainly worthy of respect. A man who had bouts of dignity and honorable behavior. But he could also be a little "irreverent". And that's the part of him that I have always liked the most. Go figure. The wild child finds another wild child to be intriguing!

In 2 Samuel, David gets into a little trouble with one of Saul's daughters because of some behavior that she deemed to be "out of place". The ark of God was on it's way into the city and David was excited. So excited, in fact, that he had begun to dance. Apparently he danced so much that he lost some clothes. That is some hardcore dancing! He wasn't dancing for his own enjoyment or to seduce the people around, but rather out of pure and unashamed joy for what he was bearing witness to at that moment. He was a part of something huge, a part of something that God was doing and David was enthusiastic! Later that day when someone brought to his attention the "inappropriate" behavior, his response was hysterical. He says in verses 21 and 22 "I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this". When I read that, I felt an instant connection with my Biblical brother. He is moved to action before his God and he reacts not to the pleasure or permission of others but to satisfy and please his Heavenly Father.

We live in a world of expectations. At age 16, most kids expect that they will be given a car. Upon graduation, most adults expect that students should know what they want with their lives.  At the beginning of marriage there is an expectation for future children, buying a house, securing a successful career. As a mother, there is an expectation of a perfect household , martha stewart-esque cooking, and supreme school and sports involvement. My own children have certain expectations. They expect that every time I leave the house without them in tow, that I must return with a "surprise". They expect that just because they have discarded their dirty socks all over God's creation that I will be able to locate, wash, dry, and fold those rapidly disappearing articles of clothing. Expectations are good, but sometimes expectations lead us nowhere but to disappointment.

The danger is when our expectation turns from Godly guidance and scripture based direction to human desires and wants. Certainly it should be expected of Christians to carry themselves with self-control, respect, kindness, and gentleness. These sort of expectations are not leading us to destruction.
But when and where did the expectation of silence and disregard come from?

The society that we live in is gradually promoting tolerance of everything but Christianity and we are expected to be silent. In the church, there seems to be a promotion of passionless faith and we are expected to disregard feelings of joy and excitement. We have effectively become a bunch of mute pew-dwellers.

Throw out the dignity for a moment and get a little undignified.
Stand up for what you believe in.
Shout an "Amen" when it stirs.
Dance a little.
Live a little.
Stop putting God inside your cultural and traditional "straight jacket" and allow Him to move in your life and community.
There is nothing wrong with a little mess. I am not suggesting that we sin whenever we want and expect continued grace. No, I am suggesting that we devote our lives to holy and unashamed living and every now and then deciding that it's "okay" to do something a little different, a little out of the ordinary, a little "undignified".

My boys wake up every morning knowing that by the end of the day their mommy will have cleaned up after them and made them somewhat presentable for human viewing. They are doing nothing wrong by enjoying their time at home. They are not being "bad" by pulling out every toy they own. They are living. They are enjoying what it means to be three and one. We have made some things out to be "bad", when they aren't; things like openly worshipping, doing something against tradition, trying something "new" in ministry. These things are not bad, they are part of living, part of what it means to be a born again radical believer in Christ.

I enjoy being a Christian. It is a part of who I am and who I am is quite radical and at times quite undignified.
Are you living your spiritual life for the expectations of others are you living it for your Savior?
Are you holding back because you are afraid of what others may think?
Are you resisting the impulses of the Holy Spirit, because you might get a strange look from the your fellow pew dweller?
Are you staying rooted to the pew for fear that you might "mess up" or do something that is considered wrong or different?

Stop it!
Get a little undignified.
It's fun. And eternally worth it.

Don't sin, don't disregard God's Word.... but instead LIVE for it, obey it completely, and in Jesus' name do something out of the ordinary, do something a little undignified!

Some things change, and some just don't

My life is surrounded by teachable moments and I seem to be able to dig them out even in the midst of the most chaos driven days. I like to think of it as a gift, some would just call me crazy. Either works for me. Regardless, I promised a "lessons learned" blog regarding last weekend's high school reunion. So here it is.

Last weekend was the most emotionally charged weekend I have had in at least a few months. There is nothing quite as thought-provoking as taking a walk down "memory lane". As you can imagine, mentally reliving what life was like a decade ago compared to what life is like now can stir up any number of emotions. For the most part, I was amused and entertained at how little my classmates had changed in just 10 years. But I couldn't help but garnish a few "life lessons" to take as my weekend souvenir.

Lesson #5- Mommy needs a break. Travelling with my four kids for an action packed weekend was fun but is not something I plan to do again anytime very soon. After a puke fest on the way down, runny noses all weekend, and a hotel room that looked as if a category 4 hurricane named Christopher hit in the middle of the day... my nerves were shot. As soon as we pulled into the driveway at home after being screamed at for hours on end in the van, the kids and Michael unloaded and I sat in the van and cried it out. Yep, sometimes a mommy just needs a break.

Lesson #4- Chocolate Dipped Cheesecake is God's gift to carnivalesque food. I made reference to this wonderous delight in the last blog and I am telling you... it might have been the highlight of my weekend. This picture is not my own but one I found when I googled "chocolate dipped cheesecake". I also found several recipes, mmmmm, looks like this mommy has found a way to get her break :)

Lesson #3- Sometimes the "right" outfit just finds you. I know this sounds ridiculously vain but I spent almost two months looking for the "right" outfit for this reunion. I wanted to look good people! Ten years later, three pregnancies later, and I wanted to be able to prove that I was still cute! I searched every possible store and outlet between Ringgold and Greensboro and came up empty. But whether out of desperation or shear availability, my sister and I were able to find the perfect outfit that left me feeling beautiful and comfortable. And we found it about 2 hours before the reunion was supposed to start. Talk about good timing. Unfortuantely I have no full length shot of my beautiful self in my reunion outfit, but trust me, I was smoking. Here's a cute one of me and my bestie, Sadrina.

Photo Courtesy of Robin Collins

Lesson #2- Dancing can be dangerous. The DJ at the evening party played a wide variety of music, though very little of it was actually "good". That, however, can't stop a bunch of crazy twenty-somethings from having a good time. After all, we DID get all dressed up. Granted several people were partaking of the adult beverages present, I happily sipped on my bottomless cup of Diet Coke and enjoyed the show. And what a show it was! From Grease renactments, to various renditions of the electric slide, to a full-on "Footloose" impersonation, there were some dancing fools! I would be willing to bet that some of those dancing shoes were a bit sore on Sunday morning. Whether it's dangerous or not, dancing is good for the soul!

Photo Courtesy of Robin Collins.

Lesson #1- Some things change, and some just don't. I suppose this lesson could be positive or negative, depending on the situation. For me, being reunited with one little lady in particular proved to be positive. Ten years has walked my best friend and I through completely different circumstances. I'm married with four children, living in rural VA, working at a church. She has experienced the heartache of divorce, the joy of a new relationship, all while living in busy NYC exploring the world of stage acting. We have chosen different paths completely. But she is still the one person at the reunion that when I saw her walk up to the park on Saturday afternoon, a little tear escaped my eye. Sadrina was more than a friend all through high school. We were practically related. And some things just don't change. We may be more mature and life experienced young ladies, but she's still my Drina and that was the ultimate weekend highlight. It's amazing what roads we take as adults and how far they may lead us away from our life as adolescences, but the things that we are able to hold onto in the midst of it, well that's something wonderful. It was the ultimate example of my life then meeting my life now.

Of all those life lessons that I experienced last weekend as we galvanted around our old stomping grounds, the greatest was realizing what a gift I have in my family. Ten years ago I was a completely free and independent high school senior. Now I am tied down with the strings of marriage and family, and it is a beautiful place to be. It doesn't mean that I don't occasionally need a chocolate break or that I don't sometimes long for the "old days". Because I do. It does mean, however, that I have grown beyond my own selfish desires and happily care for others. Ten years is not a long time. But it was long enough for God to make some changes, and then again He left some things just the way they were. :)

 

Enjoy the Ride

Working in youth ministry has afforded me the ability to be perpetually young.
Well that and being a mom to four very active children.

It would be easy in my situation to relish in the delights of youthfulness and completely forget the responsibilities and necessities of adult life. Of course with no one to do the laundry and wash the dishes, that reality might come crashing down on my wishfully youthful head. Even so, my constant involvement with students leaves me wondering how in the world I am so close to thirty years old when I don't feel like it and how can it be that it has already been ten years since I graduated high school. And yet, the truth is... though a decade isn't an eternity, a lot has happened in that time. The great roller coaster of life roars on.

Enter the reunion blog.
Ten years ago (well really ten years and a few months ago), I was a happy-go-lucky, not-a-care-in-the-world, overly hyper, insanely passionate and motivated, seventeen year old high school girl with the entire world at her doorstep. In all honesty, I was not your "normal" high school student. I was, for lack of a better word, a "goody-two shoes" and yet an incredibly adorable nerd. At least I think I was incredibly adorable. I was a choir girl, involved in drama, a teacher's aide, the president of the Christian club, the leader in my youth group, though I did have a bit of "wild" side. My "wild" involved late nights of sugar rushes, toilet papering houses, and jumping on trampolines at 3am. Like I said, probably not your typical high school student. But I had good fun and I had good friends. And I truly believe that God used that time to spiritually prepare me for the life that was waiting at the end of graduation day. He grounded my faith, strengthened my convictions, emboldened my words, and developed a passion for serving Him that has not wavered.

Comparing me now to me then, not much has changed. I am still the same girl, with a few extra tag alongs, a few extra pounds, a few extra years, hopefully a little extra wisdom, but a lot of the same heart. And the funny thing is, I found a lot of my classmates to be pretty close to the same people I remembered. Maybe ten years is not long enough to change too much, or maybe your personality reaches its peak in late adolescence. Either way, it was nice to spend a weekend with people that shared pieces of my life history. And it was equally as nice to introduce my life now (aka, my husband and my kids) to my life then.

The weekend started with a ball game in true Viking fashion. My sister and I were excited that we made it to the church parking lot in time to see the band warming up across the street from our old house. And as we marched down the sidewalk behind the sea of red and baby blue, the waves of nostalgia began to roll over me. The breeze in the air at the game, cuddling under blankets, watching students parade back and forth in front of the stands, listening to the bands in the cold mountain air... it was like revisiting the fall of 1999 and returning to that place in time and space. Isn't it interesting how sights, sounds, and smells can carry us back?

Unfortunately my kiddos couldn't hang for too long in that mountain air and we returned to our hotel for a night of rest. The reunion festivities continued at the park the next morning with a pizza picnic and a gaggle of class babies and children running through the park. This is where the fun began. To see my classmates with their look-a-like kids running and yelling, it was the realization that we are grown up. We chatted, we laughed, there was some reminiscing but mostly just the joy of being in the same location as a group.

My sister and myself.

 

(Two Friends with their gorgeous children.)

After the park, my crew and myself spent the afternoon at the local crafts festival where we were able to partake in amazing bluegrass music, chocolate dipped cheesecake on a stick, and endless walking and admiring. I am not sure what possessed me to leave the camera in the van because if I had remembered you would certainly be treated with a picture of this dipped cheesecake wonder, it was truly a culinary delight! We returned to the hotel where the babysitters (my sister and her boyfriend) took over, Michael and I primped ourselves to perfection, and we arrived at the final reunion activity.

The Class of 2000 descended on the country club Saturday evening in true high school reunion fashion equipped with tailgaters, the cha cha slide, obscure music videos, plenty of candid photos, and enough laughter to make up for the ten years everyone was apart. Of course Michael accompanied me and later as we discussed the party over greasy food at the Huddle House, his biggest observation was that our class did not seem to have any divisions. That was not the case in high school. What high school doesn't have cliques and social hierarchy? But that evening it seemed that for just a brief moment, everyone was able to remove the masks they wore in high school and revel in the craziness of a Saturday evening party.

Photo Courtesy of Robin Collins

Ahhhh... the high school reunion.

When the evening came to a close I had many lessons gathered in my arsenal of adult wisdom.

But those lessons must be saved for the next blog.

Sunday morning came all too soon and my family packed to leave the Gap. After a visit at our home church, lunch at the Chinese restaurant, and a stop at the lookout... the Gaffner's said goodbye to "my" mountains and trekked the long road back to Ringgold, Virginia.

An event that I anxiously awaited for months, came and went, similar to the way the last ten years seem to have gone. It is interesting how quickly the years slip through our fingers especially when we are busy in the moment with the everyday anxieties, worries, and responsibilities. These things too shall pass. And one day you sit back and realize that the great roller coaster of life shows no mercy, has no rewind button, and one day will come to a sudden stop. So, I guess you better enjoy the ride!

Photo Courtesy of Robin Collins

To every season...

Take a deep breath Katie.
*breathe*
That's how I feel after a whirlwind weekend trip to my favorite childhood "home", Big Stone Gap.

This weekend my four kids, my husband, my sister, her boyfriend, and myself caravaned across the mountains to a place that made its roots deep in my heart sixteen years ago.

When my parents first moved our family to Big Stone Gap, I was in the middle of my 7th grade year and I hated them almost as much as I initially hated the mountains. I felt isolated, claustrophobic, and alone.

But something happened.
Soon the fog that settled every morning in the gap began to feel like a warm, comfortable blanket.
Before long the small town began to feel like a bigger part of who I was and who I would be.
And suddenly a place that upon first introductions felt like my own personal angst-driven prison began to feel like the most comfortable place and the one location in the whole world that truly felt like "home".

My six years in Big Stone Gap were the most important years of my adolescent development.
It's where I grew up.
It's where I devoted myself to my faith.
It's where I found my purpose.

This weekend we returned to "my" mountains for a weekend extraordinaire to celebrate the decade that has passed between my high school graduation and now.I am really not sure how it has been ten years already. How does time pass by so quickly? But before I write a blog about the excitement of a reunion weekend, I cannot help but share something a little deeper from my heart regarding the seasons of our life.

The writer of Ecclesiastes tells us in the Old Testament that to everything there is a season (see Ecclesiastes, chapter 3). As we drove from Ringgold to Big Stone Gap, the changing of the seasons overwhelmed our visual senses. The colors cascading down the mountains were incredible. It seemed around every turn was a new shade of red, orange, yellow, and brown. The puddles of color collecting around the ground beneath the trees were breathtaking. Fall in action is nothing short of gorgeous. Michael's reaction to the colors were that they reminded him of death, the realization that winter was coming. For me... it reminded me that behind every change in life, there is God... tugging on our hearts, reminding us that He is there, that He is in control, and that He can even turn death into something beautiful.

I look back on my time in high school and in Big Stone Gap with longing.
But that season of my life has passed.
Maybe one day I will return to Big Stone Gap, but for now, I am in this season and this season is beautiful because God has made it beautiful just for me.

What season of your life are you in? Is it a difficult season?
Are you anxiously awaiting the next stage of life? Are you troubled, hurting, exhausted?
God is there behind every change in life and He is coloring the world around you to remind you of His unfailing love and hand in every seasonal change.

I love that God loves us like that.

Apparent Confusion

I live with four little people.
That means on a daily basis I repeat myself enough times that I feel like I should be making roylaties from my household syndication. Sometimes I wonder if I speak a remote tribal language and that is why my kids fail to comprehend the words that are coming out of my mouth. Occasionally I feel the same way with my husband.
Am I really that hard to understand?

The problem with listening is that we always bring to the table our own thoughts and perspectives which from time to time can make it difficult to truly hear what someone else is saying. If you are like me, your wheels are constantly turning whether you are in conversation or out and it can make communication a near impossible task.

Knowing all of that, I understand the confusion over my recent "In... not Of" blog post.
I seem to have stirred up some thoughts and most of all stirred up some frustrations.
I accept the challenge.

I am not your average southern mom/youth minister.
I lean towards "moderate" and don't always vote Republican (insert GASP here).
Therefore I understand that my views and thoughts may not always be what some may expect it "should" be.

However, I stand true to my statements in my previous blog that as Christians we must rethink the way we have oriented ourselves to the World. We have put ourselves in the middle believing that we must choose either God or the World when the reality is that we should have never placed ourselves in the middle at all. God deserves our priority and our focus and when we put Him in the middle of our life equation we realize that we can be "in" the world though not "of" the World.

We can eat, sleep, breath, exist, and yes... we can preach the message of Christ to a lost and dying world without immersing ourselves in sin or seperating ourselves from our Father. In fact, the great commission is a call to GO INTO ALL THE WORLD (see Matthew 28:30).

The confusion over my last blog is my failure to fully communicate what I am suggesting we strive to be and do. I am not calling Christians to sit down and shut up.
In fact, if that were the case... this blog should cease this very minute.
I am suggesting quite the opposite.
STAND UP FOR JESUS.
STAND UP FOR GOD's WORD.
And keep your preferences at home.

Your preferences are not eternally productive or effective, that would be why God gave us the Bible in the first place so that we would not rely on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). NOW if your preferences are Biblical and align with His Word, then certainly STAND UP. But don't put words into God's mouth. And don't assume that to be a Christian means you must alienate yourself from the very mission field you are supposed to be impacting, lest you forget... Jesus dined with the sinners.

Being a Christian means you are seperate because you have chosen to follow Christ.
You don't fall victim to the wiles of the devil, you resist temptation, live a life above reproach, encourage the down-trodden, advocate the Gospel, be the salt and the light...

Being a Christian means that you are an active participant in life on earth so that you can be an effective witness. (And before someone jumps in... by "active participant", I do NOT mean actively participating in sinful lifestyles and situations but actively participating in life in general, not choosing to become so seperate that you lose the ability to witness).
I think that's the difference.
I find seperation important because I understand the necessity to remove myself from sin.
But I do not understand how we effectively minister to a world in which we have chosen to have no connection to at all. And to some extent I believe that a few Christians have seperated themselves to the extreme, forgetting that they are supposed to be the "hands and feet".
How do you reach out to a world that you have chosen to ignore?

Maybe that is the problem.
Maybe your interpretation of "evangelism" is different from mine.
So in the spirit of discussion.
Those that are interested... answer a few questions for me.

What do you think it means to "evangelize"?
Do you feel that you can be a better evanglist in word or action? Or are both required?
Is purposeful evangelism the only kind? (how do you like that crypted question).

Now understand, all are entitled to their opinion and though we may all read scripture, sometimes people have varying viewpoints. So be nice and try your best to truly hear others.

"In... Not of"

If you are still reading this today, I thank you.
I thank you because you may have merely been enjoying my spotlight blogs and now are questioning how these religious rants are related to the Gaffner Chaos. I guess, effectively, these are my spotlight blogs. Because this is me. Always opinionated and always passionate, especially about my faith.
Don't worry, I will return to more light-hearted Gaffner Chaos anecdotes as soon as I complete this thought.

And complete it, we shall.

The most common argument I hear from the outspoken Christian breed that speaks against all things "worldly" is that we are called to be "in the world, but not of the world". There is actually no specific scripture which states this proposition, however much of Scripture indicates that we should be setting ourselves apart. In fact, holiness means to "set apart". This suggests that the moment that you believe in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord that your life should become different from those around you. Hopefully a good kind of different.

I think the confusion is over how we as Christians can live "IN" the world but not be "OF" the World and the assumption was made that in order to follow Christ we must turn our backs on the world. Enter the pharisee with all of his/her lists of what is right, wrong, and just plain "sinful". And despite my loathing of their annoying protests, I understand their motive. I think the problem is that they have the wrong orientation.

We have an awesome life road map in God's Word and it gives clear cut guidelines for "holy living", what it doesn't give... specifics. For example, Jesus talked about many things but whether or not one should listen to Christian rock or Christian bluegrass... not exactly one of his topics. Paul clearly states in Philippians that we should think about such things that encourage holiness, purity, etc (Philippians 4:8), but once again no specific guidelines for your entertainment preferences.

And YET I have seen and heard Christians bash other Christians and non-believers alike over the things they listen to, watch, and read.... things that are clearly not Biblically motivated but merely preferential. (And trust me there's a HUGE difference between a goofy comedic movie and porn, and the latter most certainly falls into that "unholy" category based on scripture that speaks specifically against sexual immorality.) But the fact remains that many have taken their own preferences and traditions and attempted to ascribe these man-made laws as gospel when in fact, they are not. Once again, it's all in the way they are oriented. What does that mean? Let me explain.

I learned the answer this weekend and it's tres simple. So simple a kid could understand.

(insert cute picture of my baby here... lol)

When we believe in and accept the fact that we are sinners and that Christ is the only way we will receive forgiveness from those sins, we have to make a decision to "repent" which means to turn our backs on our sin. But we have mistakingly assumed that when we turn our backs on our sin that we must turn our backs on the world. But how does that make sense? How do you evangelize in a world that you have turned against? And besides we aren't asked to leave the world, obviously we are still IN the world.

The problem is that we have assumed that we are in the middle of a giant battle of God vs. the World. On one side we have God desiring our love, worship, and attention and on the other side we have the World that tempts us to do everything contrary to God's Word. It's back and forth, left and right, and we are left dizzy from the decision.

But what if we move?

What if we change the orientation?

Or more pointedly, God moves from just another choice or decision, to the priority of the equation.

We move God to the middle, the center of it all.

(Which if you ask me, that's where He deserves to be to begin with.)

Now God is in the middle and we are looking at the World through God's eyes.

VOILA!!!

Now you are able to be IN the world but not OF the world.

How? Because though you are an active participant in life on earth, your "glasses" are now colored to God's perspective. It takes all the pressure off of you to be "right" and puts all your trust on God's ability to direct you toward things that are good and profitable for your life. And it takes away the necessity of the obnoxious Christian "holy patrol". Who needs them if we all cease to see things through our own eyes and start looking through God's?  

There's no way you or I can be perfect. But we can be set apart, different, more focused on the real issues... when we make God the priority, not ourselves.

That's the real problem with our modern day Pharisee's, they have a centralized faith... centered on themselves.

What we need are more Christians willing to move around their equation, putting God in the center and seeing things through His eyes. Viewing with Him as our mediator will change what we watch, listen to, and read, but also how we share that message with others.

Just a thought. :)

And just to be totally honest, it's not my own thoughts but from the mouth of a great Christian speaker and author, Mr. David Rhodes. Check him out at www.wayfarerministries.org

Modern Day Pharisees

We have all had at least one person in our lives that you cringe at the sight of them, their negativity and anger nearly capable of knocking you off your feet.

Some people find their life passion in pointing out all the wrong doings of others. I always shudder when these sort of people come my way or tweet/facebook a comment that is utterly appalling, especially when they do so in the name of Christ.

Jesus encountered a people group quite similar to such a description during his time on earth, they were the Pharisees. The trouble with the Pharisees was their religion. More specifically the traditions they had created as part of their religion. Previous to the ministry life of Christ, God's people were living off of a very basic set of laws found in the Old Testament. They were anxiously awaiting the Messiah and were held to strict laws of redemption that involved sacrificing animals and purifying themselves through the death of such sacrifice in order to restore themselves to a right relationship with God. The laws were already complicated enough as it was, and then the Pharisees came into the picture. And like any political power, they grew hungry for more authority and began to institute their own personal preferences and traditions as "laws". Some of my favorite verses in the New Testament are the comments Jesus makes to this specific group of "vipers" for their misuse of their power and their ill-followed traditional religiosity. You can read some of these confrontations in the book of Matthew in chapters 15 and 23.

Unfortunately even Christ's own rebukes have not prevented the 21st century Pharisee from rising up as all too prominant in the Christian community. And quite frankly, they get on my nerves. The amazing thing is that it is all too evident that the Pharisees we encounter today are just the next generation of religious bullies. Martin Luther was faced with similar trials and tribulations within the Catholic faith. Many within the Catholic Church were purposing themselves to create their own set of laws and rules. Their heretical declarations are what pushed Martin Luther to take a stand and is what motivated him to nail his 95 Theses to the door of the Catholic Church. He had reached his boiling point. He'd had enough.

That is where I rest today. I have had enough

Don't misunderstand my frustrations for a lack of Biblical clarity. My life for Christ compels me to share with a lost and dying world that there IS sin. I do not believe in a "relative" truth or "relative" right and wrong. Things are pretty clear in Scripure. I have no issue speaking with a brother or sister in Christ if I feel they are living in a sinful lifestyle and I stand firm to the principles found within in the Word. I am not suggesting that Christians effectively "shut up and sit down"... I'm merely calling into question the motives of some of these "Christians".

I have an interesting proposition.
A challenge for a new way of thinking.

Stay tuned. :)

Do not, Do not, Do not.... enough with the "do nots"

We all live by a set of rules whether we think we do or not.
I teach my kids daily "life rules", things that I have found are important enough to pass down to my constantly growing and maturing little ones.
For example:
- Don't hit people, it's not nice.
- Don't pee into fans, it's gross.
- Don't pick your nose and if you do, don't eat it.
- Don't get in people's face, they like their personal space.
- Don't jump from the back of the couch to the cushions, you're going to give mommy a heart attack.
- Don't make mommy have to raise her voice, you're going to give her a brain aneurysm.

I sometimes feel like my entire day is spent saying "NO", "Don't do that", "Stop", "1....2.....don't make me get to 3!".

I feel guilty at the end of a busy day because spending my time with them constantly correcting, disciplining, and counting... well it's not exactly fun OR productive (take my word for it). There are so many other things I would like to tell them in a 24 hour period, such as:
- What a beautiful art project you made on my mommy's table with your mashed potatoes.
- I am so glad that you can throw a ball all the way across the living room and your aim for the TV was perfect.
- I love that you enjoy each other's company so much that you choose to sit in time out together.

Can you tell that sarcasm gets me through the week?

All joking aside, sometimes it's just a better day when I lighten up with my list of "do nots" and just enjoy my life for the roller-coaster that it is with my kids. Positive reinforcement goes a long way, even when they are misbehaving. Negative reinforcement just feels bad for everyone involved, including Christians who attempt to use it as their primary "evangelistic" tool.

And that my friends is what today's next blog will be about.
Stay tuned.

My Tug of War

Time to take a break from the "spotlight" posts.
And give you a glimpse into my transparent heart this morning.

Youth ministry is my passion outside of being a mommy. I felt called into ministry long before I put on my mommy shoes and it is a passion that I proudly pursue as a part-time Minister to Youth in our rural Virginia community. This weekend, I had the privilege of taking six of my teenagers from the church to a retreat weekend, joining 600 other junior high students from around the state. Hmmmm when you put it like that, it makes you wonder if I'm just a glutton for punishment!! :)

I'm joking, I never feel punished in that environment, in fact I feel like that kind of chaos is just as much a part of who I am as the kid chaos that I live with on a daily basis. Apparently, chaos truly IS my normal.

This weekend like every other youth event or activity, meant that I would be absent from my children. Which also means that someone else has to pick up the slack. In this case, Michael stayed home along with my sister-in-law (her own spotlight blog will make an appearance in the near future). But both had to work on Saturday which meant the burden of Gaffner baby-sitting would fall on some poor unprepared and gentle soul. Unfortunately the plans that were made fell apart at the last minute, which sometimes happens. In fact, I would say in my experience, it happens more often than not. What's the quote "the best laid plans of man"... yeh, mine always fail. And I don't mean that in a "poor me" kind of way, but it's just fact. We cannot account for the changes our plans may have to endure, no matter the time and preperation. Plans falling apart are no one's fault, just a fact of life.

But for me, it's just a further testament to the constant state of tug of war I feel between my job and my family. With four kids, it is never easy to find someone that can "babysit" for any period of time. It's a lot to ask and I always feel like I should not be asking in the first place because aren't my kids, my own responsibility?

My job in particular does not require a lot of time away from my kids, in fact, it's the perfect job for me in my current life situation. Most days I spend with my boys at home. I work from the house, studying during naptimes, emailing during cartoon watching, and planning when I get free moments. The times spent in the office are most often accompanied by Dean and Christopher, who also make various appearances around town at meetings during the week. My youth minister colleagues are graciously understanding and accepting of my traveling posse. However, youth ministry thrives on activites, retreats, and Bible studies which require that I take time away from the Gaffner four.

No matter the time that I do spend with my kids and the time that I do spend working, I always feel caught in the middle. Honestly, it's a ministry versus family tug of war game, with me as the rope.

This weekend my good friend Ed put it best. He said sometimes for every "yes" we give to ministry it's a "no" we are giving to our families and vice versa. I am sure that most people would agree that the same could be said for their situation as well.

Is my complaining justified?
Sure, it's tough.
Is my complaining futile?
Yes, because we all know that I cannot give up either job.

Being a mommy is my greatest responsibility and joy.
Being a youth minister is a part of my spiritual DNA (if there were such a thing).

Trying to seperate the two is like trying to cut this crazy lady in half.

So what's a girl to do???
Caught in the middle of two great commitments, two great blessings, two great frustrations.

I guess she rejoices in the truth that in her weakness, God is stronger. God is bigger. God is capable of juggling the two. Maybe I should spend less time playing tug of war, and more time laying both jobs at the feet of a God who is the all-time greatest Chaos Manager. :)

Good food for thought.

and PS. I love all the Gaffner "babysitters" and understand that sometimes things don't work out but you are ALL so greatly appreciated. (even more appreciated are the chocolate chip pancakes, trips to Halloween parties, high fives, and hugs)

Introducing the Chaos Daddy

Reading my blog you may have learned something already.
I love my family.
On a daily basis I run through all the extreme emotions, ranging from joy to frustration, but at the end of the day... I usually round it out feeling pretty blessed. Especially when after a day of sweeping up constant crumbs, picking of littered laundry, and managing the chaos spats and tumbles.... I get to spend my evenings with a man who loves me even when I'm covered in kid mess.

Our home wouldn't be the same without Michael, the Chaos Daddy.

I met Michael in August of 2002 online. Yes. Online.
We met face-to-face in October of 2002 and the rest is.... well.... it's history.
But it's more than just history, it's the present and the future of my family all wrapped up in one man.
Michael was raising his daughter Tyler while living with his mother in Perry, Michigan when we first began our journey together. Almost two years later to the date, we were married and well on our way to starting our family in Virginia. And that "history" has carried us into 2010 where our family has experienced new additions, ups, downs, and complete turn arounds. Our present and future are molded by our past and carried by the relationship between Michael and myself.

Michael and I are similar and yet polar opposites.
He's staunchly conservative and his veins run with Republican blood. I'm more moderate and to some extent, "liberal". He speaks without thinking first, and I over-analyze every thought and action. He's wild and daring, while I'm a bit of a scaredy-cat. He's a pessimist. I'm optimistic. And those are just the tip of the iceberg of our differences. But we redeem ourselves because we are both stubborn, both leaders, both opinionated, and both compassionate. All but the latter is also what fuels any marital "discussions".

Despite the things that may cause disagreements, Michael as my opposite has very much completed who I am and made me a better person. It's not often that you find someone who can honestly be strong when you're weak, that can speak up when you're quiet, and offer support when you are falling apart. But I have Michael. When you're busy managing Chaos like I am, that kind of back up is priceless.

But he's so much more than just the daddy or just the husband.
He is the leader of our household, some days whether he wants that job or not.
The kids adore him, long to play with him, and revel in cuddle time with him.
He can always make them laugh, make them feel safe, and offer a giant daddy hug and kiss when a band-aid just ain't making the "boo boo" feel better.
He plays as hard as they do, sometimes even harder.

He can be a big kid, but he never loses their respect and admiration.

Michael works hard to support our family, which isn't an easy task.
He sacrifices his time off to give me breaks and honestly, even when I am frustrated with him, I cannot deny how little I could accomplish without the help of my Michael.

But have no fear, this man is not just measured by his wife and children. He has interests that reach beyond our household, a life beyond the chaos.

Michael likes
- causing extreme pain by paintball
- killing you kindly with sarcasm
- torturing the family with bad 80's comedies
- singing loudly to bad hair metal
- baking amazingly bad for you no-bake-cookies
- staying up late to laugh with his wife
- morning cuddles with his babies
- finding random "diners, drive ins, and dives" to feast on
- muscle cars that rumble
- relaxing on a lazy Sunday afternoon with his wife and kids
- chewy fruity candy

I have been chaotically married to Michael Louis Gaffner for six years and I cannot imagine the craziness that awaits us next. But I do know that with Michael by my side, we will weather any storm with laughs, knowing that all the chaos is worth the blessings.

And that is a Michael spotlight.

Chaos Spotlight- The Baby

The final Gaffner child "Chaos Spotlight" rests with Christopher Warren, the most recent addition to the Chaos, born on May 1st of 2009. Christopher was unexpected (but when you really aren't planning or preventing, all children are unexpected)! The surprise only added to the excitement as our house prepared to welcome our 4th blessing and to officially become an "abnormal" American family. Look around you, not many women are members of the "mom of 4 or more" club. However abnormal we may be, we have created our own version of "normality".

Christopher was the missing piece to that picture of normal in our household. He evened out our family as Michael and I were now the parents of two girls and two boys, a quite perfect combination for us.

The girls adjusted to the new baby with little effort, they are after all, little "mama's" themselves. Dean took a little more persuasion but it didn't take long for them to all accept their roles in our growing family. For the most part, Christopher did the things all babies do.... eat, sleep, poop, and occasionally cry. But gradually his personality began to shine through.

He was the easiest of all three of my infants. He slept in his own bed, made his own schedule, and slept through the night by 6 weeks. He was all in all, a great baby. He watched and observed his brother and sisters, you could tell he was paying special attention, learning and scheming.  He was (and still is) always smiling and very friendly. He is his own person, not quite like his siblings.

The first 8 months of his life, he stayed where he was put. He played with what was near him.

He was just a sweet little blob of fuzzy headed baby.

Then he became mobile.

And the Gaffner house was never the same again.

It sounds ominous but it's true. The first few months of observation proved to be all that he needed to become the most rambunctious, daring, and independent of the four children. Christopher has scared me more times than all the other kids combined with his dangerous dives and skillful climbing abilities. But how can you resist those big baby blues. Don't you know there's no use trying to punish or discipline the baby!

No matter how mischievous or daredevil he may be, he's still cute and cute always trumps trouble.
For now, at least.
At some point I may have to learn to discipline him!

However, at this moment in time he is milking the whole "baby thing" for all its worth. And I must say, he plays his part in this family very well. He has us all wrapped around his little finger. And has his mobility and verbal skills increase, it becomes more and more evident that Christopher is unique and in our family, unique is good.

And just in case anyone asks.... these are some of Christopher's favorite things:
- food (of any kind of variation)
- pacifiers
- baby soft fleece blankets
- playing with his brother
- screaming at his mother
- going "OUT"
- being cute

And that is a Christopher spotlight (with far too many pictures... but I am sure you don't mind).

Chaos Spotlight- The Comedian

***blog disclaimer***

As author of this family blog I must apologize for the excessive pictures.

I mentioned that Dean Kelly is my weakness and the proof is in this post.

On November 17 of 2006, I entered a new stage of motherhood.

I discovered the joy of mothering a son.

It's unexplainable and by no means implies that I love my sons more than my daughters, it's just different.

I think the love a mother feels for her children is different for each kid, not more or less, just different.

I love that Tyler is a leader and understands what it means to be the oldest child.

I love that Sierra experiences all emotions deeply and understands what it means to be high maintenance.

I love that Christopher is rambunctious and knows no limits or boundaries and understands the joy of a good hug. And I love that Dean is my humorous three year old (almost 4) comedian and that he understands what it means to find joy and laughter in every aspect of life.

Being a mom to daughters means talking them through their drama and emotional highs and lows. It means being patient with the process of picking out outfits and fixing hair.

Being a mom to sons means talking them through their "boo-boos" and tantrums. It means being patient with the process of forced bathing and using "inside voices".

It's different.

And with Dean... well, he reminds me of his daddy. And thus, my weakness is explained.

Dean's comedic abilities are famous in the Gaffner household. He never fails to make us laugh, although not always at appropriate times. His sarcasm and joke punchline is quite near perfection. The kid is funny and that is an understatement.

He held the position as baby of the household for almost three years and sometimes that spoiling comes through but despite his sister's best efforts to shower love and affection endlessly on him from birth to present, Dean is not as rotten as you might expect. Though he does manage to weasel his way out of punishment because he knows the exact words and looks that make his mommy laugh. He has discovered her weakness which will certainly not bode well for him or her.

His sister, Sierra, may be my mini-me in many ways but Dean carries one character trait that his mommy does as well... the love of the spotlight. Dean never shys away from an opportunity to be the center of attention and has accompanied me several times up on stage at church just for kicks. In every other way, however, he is his father's clone.

Dean carries himself like he's grown, talks to people with confidence, doesn't let his sisters push him around, and loves his baby brother (well at least when they are taking a break from fighting).
He is always opinionated and honest and never turns away some cuddle time with his mom. He plays independently but has learned the joy of sharing and in spite of his solidarity, he makes friends pretty easily.

(as seen in this picture with his best buddy, Jaydin)

Dean is my oldest son and almost four years later, he still has me wrapped around his little baby finger.
I enjoy his humor, his style, and his smile and I have big dreams for his future as he continues to grow into the man that God already knows He will be.

Dean Bean enjoys:

- gunkas (aka dinosaurs)

- M&M's

- big boy underpants

- his fireman boots

- anything superhero and/or rescue ranger 

- cuddling with his mommy

- watching cartoons with his daddy

- riding in Papa's van

- and oh yeh......

He loves to dance.

And that is a spotlight on Dean.