The Chaos

The Chaos

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Motherhood- one storm at a time

This week in weather around Ringgold, VA has been tumultuous at best.
Of course a little rain is always good, and I make no arguments against a good old-fashioned rainy day under the covers. In fact, I find that a lazy, dreary day as a stay at home mom is quite divine. My objections to this recent weather did not arise until the rainy day turned into a tornado watch, which turned into a tornado warning. Tornado's, I do not like. Admittedly not many people do like these destructive wonders, except for maybe the crazy folks that chase them down. I especially do not like when the tornado warning occurs late in the evening hours.

It is quite possible that my years of being a mommy have turned me into the quintessential scaredy-cat. This fact would explain my necessity for night lights, fear of late night thunderstorms, and the anxious knot that develops in my stomach when one of the children looks dangerously close to taking a tumble. It's ridiculous really because I used to be the kind of person that would sit on the front porch and watch the storm rage. Now, I nervously watch the Doppler radar and keep track of the storm's path on There is a mommy fear factor that seems to superimpose itself on those that have welcomed motherhood. And this mommy experienced a certain amount of fear on Tuesday night when our area was under a tornado warning for much of the night.

My own anxieties caused me to stay awake keeping track of the weather patterns until well after 1am. Right about the time I drifted off into comfortable sleep alone in my bed (my husband was out of town), a clap of thunder resounded outside the window and I nearly jumped out of my dreams and off of my bed. Unfortunately it did the same for Christopher and so as the clock read 3:30am, I rearranged my pillows and covers to accommodate my one year old, now wide awake, baby boy. He didn't cry but he didn't go back to sleep either. We lay side by side, watching the lightening flash outside of the window and listening to the rain hit the roof. I suppose it was some time after 5am when he began to nod off and then another storm moved through and at exactly 5:30am, then there was a knock on my bedroom door. In strolled Dean Kelly, blanket in tow with a look of fear in his little brown eyes. The baby and I made room and I was soon sandwiched in between two Gaffner boys in the wee hours of the morning. This time it was almost 6:30 when both boys were comfortably nestled on either side of me and I heard the soft sound of baby boy breathing as they slept in the crook of my arms.

It was at the moment that though exhaustion was evident and my eyes were heavy with lack of sleep, that I realized that the source of my fear is what cuddled close to me early Wednesday morning. The anxiety that creeps up when I watch them teeter too close to the edge of the front porch steps or the unwarranted fears that make root in my heart when I have to leave them for any long length of time; they exist because no matter my mommy strengths and super human abilities, I cannot protect them from everything. There will be storms in their life that may cause them pain. And I cannot prevent those storms from raging. That is a scary thought. But I wonder if that is similar to the way God feels about His children.

Of course my human inconsistencies and imperfections make for a poor analogy to the Creator of the Universe, but I wonder if it's close to His measure of love. He sees us trek through our day to day lives knowing full well that we will not always be safe and comfortable. He knows that we may have to walk through a storm or two, or twenty. He knows that we may or may not come out in one piece, but He cannot prevent every storm from passing because many times the growth that takes place while we are battling life's issues, is the very development that we needed in our lives at that moment.

And then there are times that even while the storm rages, His greatest measure of comfort is to simply hold us and reassure us that He IS there. As I nestled my babies in my arms early Wednesday morning, I knew full well that the power of my feeble limbs would not protect them from the destructive winds and force of a tornado, but it brought them all the comfort they needed at the moment. And honestly, their cuddles calmed my heart and fears as well. I do not suggest that God is fearful or worried, or that He suffers from anxiety but the love that we share between our Heavenly Father and ourselves brings Him just as much joy as my boys brought me yesterday morning.

I do not know the storms that rage in your life today.
But I DO know that your Heavenly Father has arms big enough to hold the world, including you at this very moment. You may not be able to physically see Him or feel him, but ask Him to surround you in His love, His comfort is... well, it's comforting :)

I may or may not survive this thing called motherhood.
But I am making it through one storm at a time with the help of my Father.

An "oldie" from last summer. Me and my boys. Gotta love the cuddle time.

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