I woke up this morning and everyone is super excited and posting statuses on facebook about their New Years Eve parties and festivities. And I sort of felt down in the dumps. I think the older I get the more depressed I feel at the end of a year. I look back and think about all the things I didn't do, things I could have done better, things I shouldn't have done at all. I look back and most often I am disappointed.
Life is hard and sometimes it is easy to muddle through the circumstances of the year with nothing but doom and gloom. Even though there have been incredible moments of joy and happiness, today I found myself unable to focus on anything but the failures. Blame the hidden pessimist in me for that horrible fault of the day.
I found myself today... in the disgusting bondage of negativity.
But there was light at the end of my gloomy tunnel.
I realized something quite important as I drove down the road for a quick grocery run.
I realized that I am free.
In the face of an economy where everything costs something, it is refreshing to know that I am free and that I possess something that didn't cost me anything at all.
You see 2010 was a difficult year for me. I went through another bought of anxiety and burn out. My marriage struggled. Our home is bulging with people and things. It has been a busy and full year. I look at 2011 knowing now that it will bring a new baby to our family which brings with it new worries, concerns, and financial strains. There is always something going on in our house, something that needs fixed, someone that needs something, and nothing in our society is free.
Nothing, but my relationship with my Savior.
That cost me nothing and yet cost Him everything.
I am free from spiritual indebtedness.
I am free from worry and strife.
I am free from anxiety and depression.
I am free from negativity.
Because I have found freedom in Christ.
It is easy to forget that in the midst of our trials and tribulations. We become so easily consumed with all we have to do, with all we owe, with all we need that we sometimes forget that the most important thing in our lives is the one thing that costs us absolutely nothing, except our devoted belief, love and service.
I know that the next year will have it's own failures and successes.
I know that it will be financially tough like any other year.
I know we will have sickness and illness.
But I also know that I have the freedom to carry all of my burdens, new or old, to my Savior and that I have the freedom to worship Him no matter the storm.
I am free.
I end 2010 with a heart full of gratefulness and awe knowing that my God loves me and that He has saved me and freed me from even myself.
Are you free?
You can be, you still have time before today ends to let go of your mistrust, your hardships, your troubles and allow God to carry them for you. You can be free in 2010 and free in 2011.
Thank God for freedom!